What are the questions you’ve always wanted to ask a bikini waxer, but you’re just too shy to do it?

How often should we use hygiene wipes?

Do ingrown hair serums really solve the problem?

What’s the nastiest thing you’ve ever seen down under?

Since no one knows the personal truths or harsh reality of ‘beauty is pain’ quite like the person who rips your pubes out for a living every four to six weeks, New Theory decided to go right to the source. So bear down on all fours and spread those cheeks while we reveal the intimate answers from a professional bikini waxer to help us all to learn a bit more about ourselves and the road to smooth!

Nothing was off limits!

NEW THEORY: What’s the worst experience you’ve had while waxing?

Anonymous Waxer: It was really only the worst the first time it happened, but now it takes a lot to shock me. However, in this one instance I had asked a female to turn over as I was about to give her a full Brazilian wax and she had poo in her crack. Not her finest moment, or mine! Now, I typically give people wipes so they can clean the areas before we start, but sometimes debris still manages to slip through the crack (pun intended), so I try my best to wax around it.

NEW THEORY: Have you ever had to wax any really weird looking vaginas?

AW: Everyone is always wondering that because most women have only studied their own private arena. They feel very self-conscious about how it appears. But truth be told, all vaginas sort of look the same-just different shapes and sizes. Aesthetically speaking, if clients are a bit overweight, sometimes it can be tricky to maneuver the excess skin- and actually see the entire patch. Sagging or stretched out skin is the only aspect that I’ve seen to truly alter the overall exterior of one’s vagina.

NEW THEORY: Would you prefer, like, not to wax people’s arseholes?

AW: It doesn’t bother me. You’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. Again, people are funny. More often than not, they are more apprehensive about the front and roll right over for nature’s deepest crevice. And the feedback seems to be, it def. hurts a lot less.

NEW THEORY: Do you wax your own self? Or do you get colleagues to do the deed?

AW: I must admit, if it’s an emergency, I’ve waxed myself. But my God, is it difficult and awkward! You can never pull out all of the hair the same way someone else would. You just can’t see everything that you need to.

NEW THEORY: What is the protocol for going for a wax when you’re on your period?

AW: They answer is…DON’T. I mean, would you want launder that load. Standard hygiene policy should always read that you say no to a wax when someone’s on their period. Aside from the fact that wax can pull on a tampon string, there it a level of basic sanitization as a primary reason. Just wait the 5-6 days and try your best to schedule your appointments on the off peak.

NEW THEORY: How do you feel about the occasional old ‘Last Minute Panic Shave’?

AW: Honestly, if sometimes a girl has to do what a girl has to do. But if you are around wax to get the job done, it winds up being easier to maintain. When you switch back and forth between shaving and waxing, that itchy stubble can be no joke- and though you may be trying to save time, #aintnobodygottimeforthat

NEW THEORY: Be honest, do you judge people with massive bushes and talk about it in the break-room?

AW: No! This is a no judgement zone. Everyone is different. Some clients prefer a landing strip, some want bare, and some clients have even told me their boyfriend is into them with hair and slight grooming. I personally feel cleaner to not have it, but to each their own. I advise my clients not to trim prior to their session so the wax has an easier hold on the hair follicle, but if you are coming in with a fully grown out situation, be prepared for a bit of displeasure. Waxing is all about consistency.

NEW THEORY: What’s the biggest nightmare you’ve ever heard?

AW: I can’t stress enough how important it is to be able to see the skin. I’ve heard a story where during a trim the waxer accidentally nicked the top of someone’s labia with a pair of scissors because it wasn’t visible under her hair. The hair was a bit coarse, dark and thick. The waxer was brand new. And well, that’s just the perfect storm for a mishap. Other usual horror tales consist of slight bruising, or ripping the skin off, but nowadays with the proper organic formulas and the right trained technician, this is nothing to worry about!

NEW THEORY: What’s the most extreme reaction to pain you’ve ever witnessed? Anyone ever shout KELLY CLARKSON on you?

AW: I’ve had clients instinctively close their legs, swearing, sitting up in panic, but never a real scream- just more like an “ouch” like the sound one makes when they stub their toe. Knock on wood, no one has ever violently retailed, or shouted in agony. If you keep calm and assure the client that their discomfort will be over soon, and only last seconds a grip, the reactions remain normal.

NEW THEORY: Has anyone ever asked for a really strange pubic hair shape?

AW:This has never happened to me specifically, but one time a friend of mine told me that a client came in and asked if she could be waxed in the shape of cat. Despite the creep factor, waxing is not a novelty. I mean, we could maybe design a heart, but after that your requests are really pushing it.

NEW THEORY: Has anyone ever got turned on during the process?

AW: Never with a woman, but a couple of men have become aroused. I know this because the physical evidence of an erection is ‘hard’ to ignore- forgive my choice of words. That’s when maturity and experience needs to come into play. Move it aside and do what you need to do fast! Try not to make a big deal about it. I’m sure they are aware and you do not want to humiliate anyone or make them feel uncomfortable to come back to you.

For more information on permanent hair removal, and other hairless/ageless methods for smooth skin contact Lucy Peter’s Aesthetic Center in NYC or check out The Smooth System to find a local provider!

For the full feature on New Theory click here…